you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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