she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
