I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
