false alarm. still invincible.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
