Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
