my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
