At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
two words: eviction party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
