he thought i was a dude.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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