Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
