My brain says no but my pants say off.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
