i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
