Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
