YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
