hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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