Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
His nipple licking is glorious
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