He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
