and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
