I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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