at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
