im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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