Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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