She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
