you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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