So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
God, I missed his penis.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
