I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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