Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
