she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
