I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
