Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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