Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
