i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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