How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
