And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
