Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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