I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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