can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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