I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
