she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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