we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There r osticjed everywhere
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
PANTIES FOUND
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