I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
