He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
