i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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