just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
