i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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