Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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