The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
