I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
