Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
