I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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