Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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