I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
