i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
