you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
